Wednesday, May 28, 2003
I scored a 77% on the "How U. of Rochester are you?" Quizie! What about you?
1:05 AM
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Sunday, May 25, 2003
I spend so much time convincing myself I'm over everything when I'm really not and it sickens me. As much as I tell myself it isn't true, I really do want to be with him and I can't stop thinking about it. I know it's not going to happen. I know I'm essentially giving him my heart and saying "step on this, please. It'll be fun."
Dammit, I had this whole beautiful thing planned out and then I started talking to people and it ruined my flow and I forgot my internal monologue. I suck.
3:11 PM
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Wednesday, May 21, 2003
Does it seem that this is just a case of 'just my luck' that when I finally relieve all my stress and get home, I catch a cold from bunny and was too sick to do anything today? And, on top of that, all my job prospects are non-existant, so I am not only poor but have no job offerings. Just thinking about it made it hard to sleep today, but somehow I pulled through. Maybe my throat will be better enough by tomorrow to be able to call places and set up MORE interviews...man the whole process just makes me head hurt. Something come fast!!!!
11:26 PM
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Sunday, May 18, 2003
It was nice getting out tonight with him and his friends. They're all very friendly, and I can take a good comfort in that. Even though, the best part of the evening was my hug goodbye. I can't begin to explain how much I want to be with him, and how much I know that's a dangerous idea. I don't think it can ever work, but somehow I won't give it up. I guess that's a certain part of my charm, but I really wish I had the skill to let these things go.
The ride home was refreshing, at least. We ended up going much too far in the wrong direction, but we engrossed each other in converation so it was okay. He told me over and over that there was no logic to why he was telling me what he was other than knowing that I give off an air of honesty and reason to trust me. I've heard it before, but it's still wonderful. I live for blunt and honest compliments. He told me I'm the perfect woman, but not in a "i'm hitting on you" way, just a "I'm saying it because it's the truth." Things like this mean the world to me.
He also gave me a friendly kiss on the cheek on his way out of the car, and I'd forgotten how much I'd missed that. Erik, come home! I can't wait until 'the family' is together again. Really.
12:54 AM
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Wednesday, May 14, 2003
Big hugs for Monie. You're an amazing roomate and friend, Moners, and I really wouldn't trade you for anyone. Never doubt yourself, and never think that you were anything but a wonderful friend to me. Your silence was gladly accepted because there was nothing you could have said for some of the things that happened. I just needed someone to listen and you did exactly that. There is nothing that I would ever ask you to do differently. I felt guilty sometimes for forcing my emotional stress on you because it was in the air in our room and you had to live there too, but it was pretty unavoidable and you were still my friend afterwards, and that means the world to me. Thank you.
9:23 PM
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Tuesday, May 13, 2003
Evanston never felt so good. Everyone needs to come home and give me hugs right now. All these (Erik and Mike especially) posts about missing home and missing us and things feeling different at school just make me wish you were all here more. I love Rochester and I love my Summie and Nance and Monie, but it'll take a long time before I love them like I love you all. You're my family.
9:41 PM
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Saturday, May 10, 2003
Goodbye sweet Rochester, hello sweet summer. :-)
I'm heading out to my "road trip" with Mom and Anna, so I won't be on until Tuesday at least. And then it's iffy 'cause I'll be out a lot. Woohoo for summmer!
7:08 AM
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Friday, May 09, 2003
A quick reflection on my first year at Rochester:
I've never been more scared to leave home than I was August 29th, 2002. I was positive I would never find friends that were as wonderful to me as my siblings in Evanston. When I got here, I spent my orientation week hanging out with my hall, who aren't my kinds of friends, and thought I had confimred my fears.
Then I met Nancy and Summer. If you guys are reading this, know that you two have made this year for me. Although you're both enormously bitchy and horrible people (*wink*), I love you both and you've made this year wonderful for me. I'm just sorry you guys can't make it to Chicago this summer. Spring break '04, here we come!!
As for Monie, you're the coolest roomate I could have ever had. I didn't think I could live so well with anyone female, but hey, we made it through a year together and will be up for round 2 in the fall!
Now I'm apprehensive about going home. I know things are going to be wonderful and I miss my sibs and gabepatay and al and mike and bunny and everyone, but it's going to be weird getting used to hanging out with you guys every day. I'm used to sitting in a corner with the trips making fun of everyone. Now I have *nice* friends. I guess we make a good balance.
Here's to a great year. I love you all. Everyone.
4:03 PM
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Thursday, May 08, 2003
what number are you?
this quiz by orsa
12:16 PM
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Wednesday, May 07, 2003
If tonight were a color, it would be deep blue.
It was the final improv show tonight, which means EVERY improver was performing and it was one of the funniest shows I've seen all year. Nine of the fifteen imporvers are not returning next year, so this was also their good-bye show and the returning improvers came up one by one and presented them with "awards" (framed In Between The Lines shirts) and gave a short "thank you/we'll miss you" that was truly from the heart for each person.
The last person to get their goodbye was Jamie, my RA. I got almost meloncholy to think of him not being around. I didn't realize it until after Mona and I crept our way upstage post-show to give him a hug, but Mona and I are among the few people that Jamie really stops in the room of and talks to for a good amount of time frequently. I'm really going to miss him.
There's a chance Jamie's going to be taking an internship in Shaumberg this summer. That's not exactly next door, but I'd be soo happy if I got to hang out with him in Chicago. He could meet Gabe! I think Gabe Patay is every improver's dream friend. Hooray.
11:50 PM
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Auto response from Nora: Sometimes I wish I were Juliet, except for the suicide part.
Mike: come now, we all know you should kill yourself. We can call you Jewliet. Hahaha, 'cuz you're a jew, get it? Stupid jew.
Mike: :-)
I love you Mike!!!
6:07 PM
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so yesterday, I got am IM from Ben. Mind you, I know him by running into his blog about a year ago and just kind of started talking to. He's a junior, I think, at Bard. So he leaves me a message while I'm taking my exam saying "how do you know Max?" I IMed him back asking "who, Max Zbiral-Teller?" He says yes, and I said I went to high school with him. Turns out they live next door to each other.
Small world.
1:48 PM
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Saturday, May 03, 2003
All that I can ever wish for is that I'm not setting myself up for disappointment. I know how it'll go, as I know how it always goes, but I'll always wonder about the implications behind it. Why do you do it? In my worst fears it's for the most selfish, yet most obvious, reasons; and I can only hope that you really do value this on some emotional level. I want you to want me around for every reason possible, and I'm almost positive that's not true. Every couple months I tell myself that I'm going to ask you and get some answers, but then I chicken out and, because of that, I'm always going to be in the dark. Now I don't think I can handle it anymore. We've been stuck in this cycle for how many years? and it still doesn't get any better. Even if we talk and you don't give me straight answers, I'll know how you want me to think you feel, and that's better than nothing.
I just need some kind of normalcy in my life. I need something to be constant, but I want it to be something other than this.
12:56 PM
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Friday, May 02, 2003
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10:48 PM
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Thursday, May 01, 2003
It's amazing how happy the rain makes me. I spent a good fifteen minutes or so looking for gay-Ted 'cause he told me that next time it storms he'd come find me and we'd dance in the rain together. Sad part is I don't know his last name nor where he lives, so finding him was pretty futile. Instead, I asked Gabe. He immediately put up the away message "running to nora's to dance in the rain". It's been a while since I've been this happy.
3:46 PM
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