Saturday, April 20, 2002
I never meant you were never a part of them. I know you were, I know you learned to love them and they love you. But I do have vivid memories of me inviting you to Rockford Nights and you scolding me for trying to force you into "my kids". Maybe that was just early. I never thought it was weird that two years ago you asked me to hook you up into "my network" and now it's the other way around...I figured it was just that the group two years ago were "mine" and the kids now are "yours". I don't feel like as much of a part of their group as I ever did with Grant and those kids. I think it just hurts now that I don't fit in with "the next wave" of them. Little Luke is a jerk, Bunny hangs out with the computer geeks and doesn't have time for me anymore, Gabe's a drug addict, etc. Whenever I talk to Big Luke now, he tells me about how he loves visiting home and seeing all his old friends and spending time with them and still bonding with them. But he never calls me when he's in town nor I him. I rarely see him, and it makes me wonder how good of friends we ever were. Or how good friends I was with most of them...?
I didn't want to insult you by saying you were never one of them. I always knew you were. Maybe it was just frustrating to see how much better you seemed to get along with the same people as I did. Maybe sad was the wrong word.
How would you define your friendship with me? You say your friendship with the kids is different than your friendship with me...how is your relationship to them? And what about the "core" - Schappy, Camo, Hannah, us? Are they, your makeshift family, also different? Maybe I just have a lot to learn about what goes on in your heart, dear. Teach me.
2:54 PM
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