----The time is now. ----"Sometimes someone says something really small and it just fits into this empty place in your heart."


























 
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If you could look like anything...anything at all....what would you look like? I'd be the wind. ...........It's easy to be someone's friend when all you need is someone to console you. It's much harder to be there for them when they're happy all the time. .............Even when I say nothing, it's a beautiful use of negative space.


























Blind Eyes Closed
 
Saturday, April 20, 2002
 
What happened to that girl? The girl I was two years ago. The girl who was always happy because she had 'those kids'? I miss her. I want to be the girl that Grant fell in love with. I know he loves present-me too, but it's not the same person. It's a different kind of love. I want to be past-me again, to be the girl who would be happy because she saw someone smile and cry because someone else was sad. I used to love everyone around me so much more completely than I feel like I do now sometimes. I miss her. She used to be so self-assured because she had everything figured out. Everyone used to love her. And she loved them too. Past-me was happy with past-Eleanor, they were great friends. Most of Present-me still loves Past-Eleanor, but Present-me can't cope with Present-Eleanor. Why does everyone have to grow up? Things were simple when everyone was young.

I miss the girl who used to rely on Past-Erik's words of wisdom in the cafeteria 4 years ago to make her happy. She wasn't happy then, though, but she would learn. She was innocent. Innocence is underrated with Present-me. I want to be little again.
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