----The time is now. ----"Sometimes someone says something really small and it just fits into this empty place in your heart."


























 
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If you could look like anything...anything at all....what would you look like? I'd be the wind. ...........It's easy to be someone's friend when all you need is someone to console you. It's much harder to be there for them when they're happy all the time. .............Even when I say nothing, it's a beautiful use of negative space.


























Blind Eyes Closed
 
Sunday, June 23, 2002
 
I had this idea a few minutes ago that I would update what's going on in my head, in my life. Nothing. I"ve been social, out all the time chillin' with my kids. I haven't seen Caleb in 4 days and won't see him until tomorrow, so I guess this is some sort of personal triumph. I guess I have to get used to life without him, he won't always be here. And as much as I hate to admit it, it really is true. But we're not going to think about that.

This past week has been amazing. Just the people I've seen and the conversations I"ve had. Tuesday night I was with Alan and Ruth, and we were discussing Alan's music (of course). So he mentioned Rebecca's song, and he said something about how all his best songs were written for failed girls. And I asked him something I'd been meaning to ask him ever since he wrote that song for her..."what ever gave you the idea that it would be a good idea to ask out Rebecca?" and he answered "because I didn't really know her." Which is incredibly mean, but also equally funny.

Friday night I went to see Lilo and Stitch, and it was amazing. We tried going back last night but Mike made up a showtime so it obviously wasn't there. We went to a party Meshell and Ben were hosting and Erik, Mike, Maya and I were the only sober ones there. Needless to say, we didn't stay long. I"m not a very big advocator of illegal substances. Camille's party was also last night, and I got some good bonding in with Caleb's friends while he wasn't there. I find it odd how I hadn't really talked to Chris Lynge for two years until I started dating Caleb, but he is a fun guy. Too much weed, but in his defense, I think any weed is too much. Caleb's slowly teaching me that it isn't as bad as I think, which is healthy, I guess. It's always hard for me to admit that I still have growing left to do and other people are here to help me with it. Erik told me last night "you're good at picking out the kids who need your help growing and then dating them and helping them grow." Apparently I did it for him, for max, for caleb, for grant....it's been a crazy life. Time to move on.....
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