Thursday, January 30, 2003
I don't know what I want
But I can't wait forever
It's been a weird night. Nan and I deciced we were going to be "cool" and go around distributing flyers for an improv show tomorrow night. We ended up in Holli 4 in Damian's room, waking him out of what looked like a peaceful sleep. Somehow, I'm not sure how, either Nan or I brought up Damian and his roomate (his name slips my mind right now) having hot gay sex, and Damian started freaking out. I told Nance that I'm not straight (since the conversation somehow also turned on me), and it was the first time I'd ever actually said it to her. I thought I had been very obvious in dropping hints, since I would say over and over again how straight people suck and I'd make jokes about hitting on girls, etc., but this was the first time I'd actually said anything. She took it well. Damian said something about wanting to see us make out, and I told him I'd do it when he has hot gay sex with his roomate. Which will never happen. Nance isn't my type.
I think every unstraight person ever has qualms about telling new people. I was so scared that I'd tell Nancy and Summer that I'm not straight and they'd kick me out of the "triples" and they wouldn't want to talk to me ever again. It goes back to that idea that we have nothing to fall back on. The three of us have been friends for four months and if I fuck this up now there's nothing to redeem myself with. It's terrifying.
But all of that is over now, and Saturday the three of us are going gay clubbing with the Pride Network. I'm hoping to find some cute chick. Yay for girls!! ;-)
12:11 AM
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