----The time is now. ----"Sometimes someone says something really small and it just fits into this empty place in your heart."


























 
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If you could look like anything...anything at all....what would you look like? I'd be the wind. ...........It's easy to be someone's friend when all you need is someone to console you. It's much harder to be there for them when they're happy all the time. .............Even when I say nothing, it's a beautiful use of negative space.



























Blind Eyes Closed
 
Monday, March 31, 2003
 
Who does he think he is??? No one should be able to make me feel like such shit for trying to be their friend. Fine if he needs his space, but don't try to make me feel like an asshole because I try to break down those barriers and truly be there for him. I know nothing's easy. Nothing's ever easy. Nothing will ever be easy. But that's not the point.

I don't know why I let him do this to me. I'm supposed to be strong. This isn't supposed to happen. He means more to me as a friend than anything and hearing him ask me "what's your problem" in that tone when all I want to do is be his friend is fucking unbearable. Fuck it. I'm not doing this anymore. But I know, as we all know, that however much I say that...I'll do it again and keep doing it until he feels better. I just want everything to be okay for everyone and maybe that isn't fair and maybe that isn't the way things are supposed to be, but it's the way I've taught myself to feel and it's the way I care about others.

Maybe it just hurts too much to think that maybe I can't help. I can't be everyone's mother and best friend all the time. There are going to be those moments when he and everyone else really does just need to be alone and feel sad. I'll just have to teach myself differently, I guess. I just don't want to.


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