----The time is now. ----"Sometimes someone says something really small and it just fits into this empty place in your heart."


























 
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If you could look like anything...anything at all....what would you look like? I'd be the wind. ...........It's easy to be someone's friend when all you need is someone to console you. It's much harder to be there for them when they're happy all the time. .............Even when I say nothing, it's a beautiful use of negative space.



























Blind Eyes Closed
 
Thursday, July 31, 2003
Yummmmmm  
Remember: September 7 = CAKE!


4:17 PM 0 comments

Wednesday, July 30, 2003
Yay for Silly Quizzies  
you are Fire
You are Fire


+ + What Element Are You? + +
brought to you by Quizilla


2:55 PM 0 comments


This is what I do at work  
Booobay: what would you do if UR was swarming with Jeff clones?
lectrocool: ....
lectrocool: die
lectrocool: duh
lectrocool: or better yet
lectrocool: ....kill....
lectrocool: *looks around*
lectrocool: *scurries away*
Booobay: all of them????
lectrocool: better safe then sorry


2:31 PM 0 comments

Tuesday, July 29, 2003
Hooray for Cop'n Blo  
cop'n blo

is a Giant Lizard that has a Toughened Steel Skeleton and Acid for Blood, and spits Jets of Water.

Strength: 10 Agility: 5 Intelligence: 4



To see if your Giant Battle Monster can
defeat cop'n blo, enter your name and choose an attack:

fights cop'n blo using


1:02 PM 0 comments


KWAP  
So not only did I hang out with the KWAP over the weekend, I hung out with a pantsless KWAP. I can die happy now.


11:32 AM 0 comments

Monday, July 28, 2003
I just think you should hear this.  
First off, I want to say that I don't blame you. I'm mad at myself for this, and I don't want you to take this as any sort of attack because it's not. It's just something you should hear as well as something I should say.

I was serious. That time when I said this shouldn't happen anymore - I was serious. It's not that I don't have a good time or anything; it's just hard to be your friend day in and day out feeling used and hurt. I hate the way you burn me. I don't think it's fair; especially knowing that you don't have a problem with it and aren't hurt at all. I don't want our friendship to be this cheapened, and I want you to help me make it better. Everytime I say this I'm serious, and I'm sorry you never took it for what it is.

Right now, it's at the point where if we can't be friends without me getting hurt, then maybe we shouldn't be friends. I'm tired of tiptoe-ing around and feeling like that's okay for the time being, then leaving and feeling on top of the world becaues I got away with something. Nothing is ever that easy. There's too much guilt in the air. I don't want to lie to people anymore, but when I start telling the truth we're both going to get labeled and judged.

I hate being upset about the way things are going and not being able to talk about it. Not because we're cought up in some elaborate secret, but because if I ever come clean then I'm going to hear a speech that I tell myself every day. Only this time, the speeh is going to be accompanied by a look in his eyes that tell me that he thinks he's above me (even if for those ten seconds) and I'll go away feeling more shamed than relieved.

This has to stop.

And I'm sorry if I ever disappointed you. I know we've been through a lot of shit together, and usually that makes people stong. That should make a friendship strong. With us, it just causes trouble that neither of us want. I know I've been too weak and self-absorbant to bring it up most of the times I've thought to, and I apologize for doing so and making it harder on you. I don't want to be your friend when you think of me as someone who's very physically beautiful, but with something wrong with me that things can't go beyond that.

So that's it. If we can't learn how to actually be friends, then we should probably stop pretending. I don't want to lose you as a person, and I hope you don't want to lose me. We'll just have to find some better way to work this all out.


10:44 AM 0 comments


haloscan  
Hey Mike, how do you change the word "comment" to whatever you want?


9:33 AM 0 comments

Thursday, July 24, 2003
mooop  
Dammit, what happened to my comments????

Mike, this is your turn for a pre-emptive 'shut the hell up'.


3:30 PM 0 comments

Wednesday, July 23, 2003
Thanks Mike!  
http://www.rustedgate.com/d3genv1-2/gen2.php
Baaaahahahah the fun never ends. EVER.


5:01 PM 0 comments


I can add titles????  
The first floor of my office is a bank, so to get to into our actual building, you walk through a door and your only options are an elevator and a flight of stairs. The stairs are about a flight and a half tall, and they turn a corner to the left at the top, so there's a bit of landing at the top where you can overlook the front door. At this landing, right next to the railing, is a desk.

Every day starting around 4:45 (or so I'm guessing), there's this old man that sits at the desk playing with some palm pilot or random papers or something, and for the life of me I can't figure out who he is or why he's there. I've left the building at 4:30 before to drop some mail in the mailbox downstairs, and the desk was empty; but whenever I leave at 5, like I usually do, he's there. I say goodnight to him daily, and he always answers with a "goodnight, dear."

I love the way old people are friendly enough to not ask for someone's name and still use a warming term of endearment in its place. There's something very comforting about that.


4:32 PM 0 comments

Tuesday, July 22, 2003
 
There is nothing more beautiful than waking up at 6 in the morning because it's too hot to sleep, look over and see three of your best friends beside you; only because the fourth is sleeping in someone's car out of sight. There is nothing more beautiful than having a horse walk me into a tree while listening to rounds of "Hannah, pull up. UP. Harder, you won't hurt her..." There is nothing more beautiful than sitting around a candle because we ran out of firewood talking about things that have been long avoided. There is nothing more beautiful than picking mulberries from a horse's back. There is nothing more beautiful than standing in the middle of an overgrown path in the complete darkness while crying and being held by my best friend, because that's the only thing that seems right. There is nothing more beautiful than running through a cornfield yelling "corn! corn! Corn! corn! corn!" There is nothing more beautiful than setting curses on Lake Zurich because it charges way to much for their beaches. There is nothing more beautiful. Nothing.


10:42 AM 0 comments

Monday, July 21, 2003
 
This is why I love people.


9:21 PM 0 comments

Friday, July 18, 2003
 
I just finished reading Pieces, a collection of short stories with a forward by my favorite author, Stephen Chbosky. He wrote an introduction, and there were a couple paragraphs that did nothing more than make me fall in love with his writing again:

So, when Greer Kessel Hendricks, who is my editor and dear friend, asked me to write an introduction to this collection, all I could think about were the fifteen young authors whose stories appear in this book walking into their local bookstores with their friends and families and saying:
"There it is."
Then, I thought about the possibility for them. And for you. ANd I congratulate all persons involved. Because whether you picked up this book because you love short stories, are interested in young authors, thought the cover looked good, or want to hate it, you have it. It's in your hands right now. And there is a possibility that somewhere in these pages, you may discover something special. Something honest. Well-crafted. Messy.


It says he's working on a new "project". I really hope it's a novel and not a screenplay...as much as I would like to see his films, I'd rather read his thoughts.


1:07 PM 0 comments

Thursday, July 17, 2003
 
exerpts from Suhail's comment page:
*insert Suhail's post about Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, a show where five gay guys help a straight guy be clean and fashionable*

Ahh how was it??? I wanted to see it sooo bad but I don't think we get Bravo. Anyhoo, hooray for the wonderfulness of the gay man. I need a gay husband. Right now. Grrrrr.
-Nora

Nora, I'll pretend to be gay if you'll marry me.
-Josh

Josh, you've got yourself a deal.
-Nora

Hooray, my life goal of marrying a gay man is complete (kind of)!


11:50 AM 0 comments

Tuesday, July 15, 2003
 
Can't stop addicted to the shin dig
Chop top he says I'm gonna win big
Choose not a life of imitation
Distant cousin to the reservation
Defunkt the pistol that you pay for
This punk the feeling that you stay for
In time I want to be your best friend
Eastside love is living on the westend
Knock out but boy you better come to
Don't die you know the truth as some do
Go write your message on the pavement
Burnin' so bright I wonder what the wave meant
White heat is screaming in the jungle
Complete the motion if you stumble
Go ask the dust for any answers
Come back strong with 50 belly dancers

Kick start the golden generator
Sweet talk but don't intimidate her
Can't stop the gods from engineering
Feel no need for any interfering
Your image in the dictionary
This life is more than ordinary
Can I get 2 maybe even 3 of these
Come from space
To teach you of the Pleiades
Can't stop the spirits when they need you
This life is more than just a read thru


- exerpts from Red Hot Chili Pepper's "Can't Stop." I've got the last two lines running through my head on repeat.


4:49 PM 0 comments


 
I need better aim.

So, more musical surveys; this one created and stolen from Suhail:

Songs

Song that you play when you feel upset that for some reason just makes you feel better: Tom Cochraine - Life is a Highway

Song that you play when you just feel the need to let loose: Less Than Jake - Bad Scene and a Basement Show

Song that just makes you feel good: PrimeSTH - I'm Stupid

Song that just wants to make you dance in that good ol' 1960s way: Steppenwolf - Magic Carpet Ride

Song that you don't appreciate the first time you hear it but at a second listening you wonder how true the lyrics are (when applied to you): No Use for a Name: Coming too Close

Song that you wanna sing to her when she's ignoring you:
Susanne Vega - Gypsy

Song that you consider playing when you wanna show her how much you love her except realise it sounds incredibly freaky and scary but aside from that it's a great song: Vandals - if the Government Could Read my Mind

Song when it's over and you're just in mourning: Alan Sufrin - Incognito

Song when you're ready to move on: Marvelous 3 - Better off Alone

When you know you're the man no matter what happens: umm, I'm skipping this 'cause I'm not a man

Song when you wanna go fucking crazy: Catch 22 - On&On&On

Hip-hop Song you just like: Atmosphere - Like Today

Ashanti song you like: I'm skipping this 'cause I don't know any Ashanti

Song when you just wanna start over: Hepburn - I Quit

Song that Ska traces its roots to: Clash - Pressure Drop

Song where some of punk's roots can be found: Sex Pistols - Anarchy in the UK

Song you sing to your kids at their bedtime: They Might be Giants - Why Does the Sun Shine?

Song you dismiss at first because you don't listen to the lyrics until you realise that they are meaningful: Adema - Giving In

Good song that radio will not stop until it will fucking kill it for me: Hed(pe) - Blackout

Steve Miller Band song that you've never heard but will like: Midnight Train (Suhail's answer)

STP song that was good but you only heard on the radio for less than 3 weeks: Stone Temple Pilots - Crackerman (I liked the title)

Strokes song that should have been released instead of "Last Nite": Strokes - Someday

Song off "Tommy" by the Who that no one really listens to: Who - Pinball Wizard (I know people listen to it, but it's so great)

Best out there cover of a classic 80s song: Dope - You Spin me Right Round

Best 80s techno song you've never heard: whaaat?

Song when you're single and you look out at other couples and you just wanna say "goddammit, what the hell is up with that?" : Reel Big Fish - I Want Your Girlfriend

David Bowie song you've really paid attention to the lyrics to but actually are great: David Bowie & Queen - Under Pressure

Second Best Cheap Trick Song (first being "I Want you to want me"): Cheap Trick - Surrender (yes, Suhail....yes.)

Rolling Stones Song that always redeems them despite whatever fucked up things are going on with Mick and Keith: Rolling Stones - Ruby Tuesday

Best cover off Zoolander soundtrack: No Doubt - Love to Love you Baby (this is the only cover - the other songs are original)

Best ska cover: Mustard Plug - Ghostbusters Theme

Best Rock 'n' Roll song in Urdu that you'd never listen to if it wasn't mentioned here: Junoon - Sajna (yep...)

Best Hindi cover of a Rock 'n' Roll classic: Penn Masala - Layla (hahaha I want to hear it!)

Best Ravi Shankar song you never heard: Ravi Shankar - Raga Bahar (alap & gat in ektal) (this is getting wayyyy too obscure for me...)

Best Sum*41 song off "Half Hour of Power": Sorry, Sum 41 has no good songs.

Oasis song that makes up for Liam and Noel's shortcomings: Oasis - Wonderwall

Second best Turtles song (1st being "So Happy Together"): Turtles - I think We're Alone Now

Best They Might Be Giants Song: They Might Be Giants - Pet Name

2nd Best They Might Be Giants Song: They Might Be Giants - this is a toss-up between New York City and Shoehorn with Teeth

Classic N.W.A. song (Factoid: N.W.A. came onto the scene right after Will Smith hit it big with "Parents Just Don't Understand", N.W.A., of course, signaled the beginning of Gangsta Rap...umm...): N.W.A. - Fuck the Police

Last Great 80s song: haha, there were no great 80s songs

Good Jay-Z song that was overlooked by many: "Do you like Jaaaayzzzz?"

Best John Lennon song you never heard: I've heard a lot of John Lennon

Sublime song that gets everyone pumped: Sublime - Date Rape

Best cover of a Bee Gees song: Wallflowers - I Started a Joke (yes sure)

Best Weezer song that you never heard unless you really love Weezer: Weezer - El Scorcho (accoustic version)

Best Thelonious Monk song: Thelonious Monk - Blue Monk

2nd Best Pixies song (1st: Where is My Mind): sad to say I don't really know Pixies.

Rock cover of a Hip-Hop song that just makes you go "wow...[just] wow...": people do covers of hip hop songs?

NOFX song you know someone took literally: NOFX - You Drink You Drive You Spill

Best Michael Jackson video that makes you wonder what the hell happened to him: Michael Jackson - Thriller (it had CREDITS)


10:20 AM 0 comments

Monday, July 14, 2003
 
Ahhh enetation's a bitch. I don't care how much Mike tells me all I need is to hit the refresh button a bunch of times, it's still crap. So my message to Mike for his last post:

Do you realize you used the word 'bastard' seven times in two paragraphes? Well, three, if you count the ones about pickles.

(that probably sounded reeeeally weird for people who haven't read Mike's diary...)

And a message for Erik's:

You need a name for your car. :-)


11:27 AM 0 comments

Sunday, July 13, 2003
 
I really don't neglect this as much as it may seem. I do get urges to write, and then it all seems like so much of the same thing that I figure you're better off not reading it. And then the urges pass, and another week goes by before I come back to write some weird apology.

Things are good, and I'm happy. I spent some good time today with Nikki and Bree, and didn't feel nearly as much of a third wheel as I would have expected. I guess my only example in this department is Erik and Mary, and whenever I did spend time with just the two of them I got that "I want to be anywhere else but here" kind of thing; not because I didn't like them or didn't want to spend time with them, they just radiate this "I just want to be with you" feeling that makes me feel like I'm invading on their time. How does everything I say turn into something about Erik and Mary? Things happen, I guess. But back to my train of thought....I really like Bree, and I think she's really good with Nikki. They work very very well together, and I respect their will to overcome any obsticle with being a gay couple. I know it took Nik a lot to come out, and then to take that next step and actually get a girlfriend....I have a lot of respect for that, and I hope them the best.


12:00 AM 0 comments

Sunday, July 06, 2003
 
A couple of days ago, on the 4th, I went to a picnic at my Aunt's house. I spent a good deal of time sitting on the back porch with my little cousin, Sam, and my Mom's friend from high school, Paul, watching Sam light bottle rocket after bottle rocket. Paul and I had a good time watching this and lighting sparklers, but it got kind of old.
"There's got to be something else out here we can blow up.." I said, thinking of other kinds of mild fireworks Sam might have gotten ahold of.
Paul's eyes flickered as he said, "well, the grill's right here, and we can take its can of propane and put it in the microwave." Then his eyes cast in confusion as his jaw dropped a bit as he uttered, "wait, did I just say that?"
He then went inside to let my Aunt know that he was supervising Sam as he lit more bottle rockets. Good adult supervision, indeed...


6:22 PM 0 comments

Saturday, July 05, 2003
 
Erik, you'd enjoy this....

Do a google search for "weapons of mass destruction" and click on the first link. This is computer geeks at their best. :-D


7:19 PM 0 comments

Thursday, July 03, 2003
 
Jean has been out of town for the past few days for the big long weekend, and I've taken over her office.

Oh how nice it feels to be able to lie down on the floor and read Lord of the Rings in the middle of the day. I can't wait until I own my own company....


2:10 PM 0 comments

Wednesday, July 02, 2003
 
I tried this a few times, and this result was the best:

Happy Deathday!
Your name:ns006m
You will die on:Tuesday, November 9, 2021
You will die of:Burned to Death
Username:
Created by Quill



None of my 'usernames' will live to be past 40. This should worry me.


11:46 AM 0 comments

 
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