----The time is now. ----"Sometimes someone says something really small and it just fits into this empty place in your heart."


























 
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If you could look like anything...anything at all....what would you look like? I'd be the wind. ...........It's easy to be someone's friend when all you need is someone to console you. It's much harder to be there for them when they're happy all the time. .............Even when I say nothing, it's a beautiful use of negative space.


























Blind Eyes Closed
 
Monday, November 10, 2003
Ahhhhhhh  
I hate the way you talk to me,
and the way you cut your hair.
I hate the way you drive my car,
I hate it when you stare.
I hate your big dumb combat boots
and the way you read my mind.
I hate you so much it makes me sick,
it even makes me rhyme.
I hate the way you’re always right,
I hate it when you lie.
I hate it when you make me laugh,
even worse when you make me cry.
I hate it when you’re not around,
and the fact that you didn’t call.
But mostly I hate the way I don’t hate you,
not even close…
not even a little bit…
not even at all.

Why do I continue to do this to myself? I try to apologize for not being what he needs, and I know going into this ordeal that if I try to bring it up, knowing I already feel bad about it, all he's going to do is make me feel worse. Somehow, this doesn't stop me. So I apologize and all he can say is "it doesn't matter" over and over. That's the worst. Because it does matter. And I end up crying about it. I want to run up to him and scream because he doesn't see how much he's hurting me, or at least he doesn't care.

And as much as I bitch about this now, we all know as well as I do that I'll be going back. I always go back. And I always will go back.... this only sucks for the moment. This only looks like something terminal. I love him too much to ever leave. Damn you for being worth it, and damn me for knowing it.
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