----The time is now. ----"Sometimes someone says something really small and it just fits into this empty place in your heart."


























 
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If you could look like anything...anything at all....what would you look like? I'd be the wind. ...........It's easy to be someone's friend when all you need is someone to console you. It's much harder to be there for them when they're happy all the time. .............Even when I say nothing, it's a beautiful use of negative space.


























Blind Eyes Closed
 
Sunday, November 02, 2003
Relative Sanity  
About an hour ago, I got hit with this sense that although everything may not be perfect, it's perfect for right now. I can close my eyes and picture how things fit together and I can know that this is the way they should be, and I can understand. Twice in the span of twelve hours I was asked why I keep going back to him after all the emotional stress he causes me time and time again, and the only answer I know to tell is that I know he's worth it. I can smile to myself and look into his eyes and see that his intentions are amazing even if he doesn't know how to show it. Even if our friendship isn't the best because neither of us know how to speak our minds without using words, I know what he means. I thought about this and I know now that it's right. I give myself no other option than to keep being there for him, and there is no other option that I would want.

Last night, I spent the entire evening with people that I normally don't spent heaploads of time with, and it was the most refreshing alternative I could have ever needed. It's like I got to shut myself off and take a vacation without leaving the premise. I got to know him on a level that I hadn't before, and it turned out to be one of those things where something just clicked and we bonded. They walked ahead of us most of the night and I got good chance to get to know him myself, and I'm glad. By the middle of the night it was just the three of us playing eXtreme ping-pong and were joined by a fourth player, also someone I've known but haven't gotten a good chance to talk to, and it was just perfect. I got kicked, bruised, ridiculed, hugged, and smiled at. There was really no better way to spend the night.

The thing that really got me, though, was thinking that maybe this threesome of elitest friendship isn't really what I need. Not to say that I don't love them and want to be friends with them - I'll always be grateful for their friendship - it's just that I like to have options and people that aren't so quick to judge. But just when it gets easy enough to think I'm beyond all of that, she calls me in her room and we end up talking about how she's having a nervous breakdown and is so glad that she has friends like us. And I realize that there really isn't anyone who has all their shit together. And I know that there's noplace I'd rather be than right here, right now. I can look at all the bonds I've made with people and see the progress of our mutual existances.

We're good.
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