----The time is now. ----"Sometimes someone says something really small and it just fits into this empty place in your heart."


























 
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If you could look like anything...anything at all....what would you look like? I'd be the wind. ...........It's easy to be someone's friend when all you need is someone to console you. It's much harder to be there for them when they're happy all the time. .............Even when I say nothing, it's a beautiful use of negative space.


























Blind Eyes Closed
 
Sunday, December 28, 2003
Never-ending cycle  
So I was chillin' last night, on day 6 of "I haven't seen anyone and I'm going crazy" (the streak's official title), and I got this sudden pang in my heart that can only really be defined as being really really homesick for Rochester. And it kind of saddened me that over the course of the few weeks we had in between Thanksgiving break and the end of the semester I was bitching SO MUCH about wanting to be home. I know that's just due to there being so much stress about work and because of that so much stress socially (yeah we all know what we went through regarding each other...), and then now that I'm home I want to go back and feel free to chill with all my UR kiddies.

It seems so unfair.

I want to make a quick apology to everyone that I spent so much time with in Rochester who had to listen to me bitch uncontrolably about how perfect my social situations are in Evanston and how much I love everyone here to no end. Yes it's true that I love my "siblings" a great deal and would kill sometimes to have our cute cuddle-piles when I'm feeling down or to be able to de-stress with hours on end of mario kart with Mike throwing things at Aaron, but then once I'm here I'm just bitching again about wanting to be with my asian and my leprechaun and Gamer, who doesn't have any specific ethnicity (whether true or not) that I can make fun of yet. You guys really do a great deal to make me comfortable when I'm at school and I really do love you for it.

It's a weird balance that I have a good deal of work left to find. I wish I could be with my Evanston friends in Rochester and be able to show them who I am at school. I wish I could hang out with them so freely like I do when I'm there, i.e. no parents to tell us when to be home and no real authority to tell us what to do all the time. At the same time, though, I wish I could have Rochesterian friends in Evanston with me to see where my roots are, so to speak. So much of who I am is abundant here, shown in who I'm friends with and where I went to school and the town that raised me. I learned so much about Summer from going home with her and seeing her home environment, and I really can't wait until she comes here and can learn the same about me. I have a list of so many places already that I want her to see and experience. Likewise I wish I could bring home everyone from UR, but we'll see about that (Mona, come with!!!!).

Until then, I guess, I just kinda want Ben to call. I really want to hear someone's voice besides Summer's on my voicemail and Dan called me yesterday out of the blue, which was awesome. Ben's supposed to be the one who can show he cares about me and I've only kinda talked to him twice in the same day, online, since I've been back. He works full time, which is hard, and I don't know his hours or else I'd call him every so often. But I do really miss his voice. I want to see how this works.

Ahh. Sorry, everyone, I'll be better about this soon, I promise.
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