----The time is now. ----"Sometimes someone says something really small and it just fits into this empty place in your heart."


























 
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If you could look like anything...anything at all....what would you look like? I'd be the wind. ...........It's easy to be someone's friend when all you need is someone to console you. It's much harder to be there for them when they're happy all the time. .............Even when I say nothing, it's a beautiful use of negative space.



























Blind Eyes Closed
 
Tuesday, February 10, 2004
Hannah's Nightmare  
I think her fear of throwing up and my fear of taking pills go hand in hand quite nicely. I've been feeling the pressure build up behind my ribcage all day, and by this point, I know quite well the only way to get it to go away is taking Midol and laying down. So I go into the bathroom, pour a couple pills into my hand, and pour myself a glass of water from the common room.

Mind you, until I was about 14 I had to take chewables. I've been terrified of swallowing things my whole life, and even now I have to concentrate to make myself not hold the pill to the roof of my mouth with my tongue in order to just swallow the water. Tonight, the first one goes down fine, but the second, as it always happens, gets caught in my throat. I cough; it comes back; I swallow normally. And feel sick. And run to the bathroom. And throw up the beautiful and huge free dinner provided for me by the Mel. And dry heave for a good while after that, because the pill isn't finished establishing its power over me. Finally, after there's nothing left but tears on my cheeks, I feel okay enough to leave the bathroom and go about my business. I grab a box of crackers and the same glass of water, and I'm ready for round 2.

This time, I win. Both go down easily. Fucking pills, I'll show you who's boss.


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