----The time is now. ----"Sometimes someone says something really small and it just fits into this empty place in your heart."


























 
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If you could look like anything...anything at all....what would you look like? I'd be the wind. ...........It's easy to be someone's friend when all you need is someone to console you. It's much harder to be there for them when they're happy all the time. .............Even when I say nothing, it's a beautiful use of negative space.


























Blind Eyes Closed
 
Monday, February 23, 2004
I don't want to be lonely, I just want to be alone  
I should count how many times that line shows up here. Thanks Hannah, I guess, for letting me steal it so often.

Things have just been...lonely lately. I thought I was getting used to this ebb and flow of things and making myself okay with it, but I guess I was wrong. I wish I didn't feel so distant all the time. And usually when I'd get lonely I'd talk to Evanston people to remind myself that there are people who still love me, but it didn't really help to read in Mike's journal that he's going to visit Hannah and Camille over his spring break; that Cam is going to DC for her protest and will be seeing Erik while she's there, that Hannah and Cam are close enough that they see each other all the time, that Erik and Mary are even closer, and to think that I'm not going to see any of these people for months yet. I really want Erik to come to Rochester over his spring break; take a mini road trip to western New York to see my friends and see who I am here. He suggested we meet somewhere that's kind of halfway, like NYC, but I have no way of getting anywhere.

So while talking to Erik tonight, kind of about this, he busts out with:
Nora: so why is everyone going to visit everyone else besides me?
Erik: I'm not going anywhere
Erik: Except for you sometime
Nora: but cammy's coming to see you
Erik: She's coming to get arrested, not to see me
Erik: :-)
Nora: hahahaha
Nora: but she'll see you in the process
Nora: and you'll pay her bail
Erik: hahahaha...
Nora: haha I'm so not lying
Erik: I'm so not laughing...

which made me smile. On a side-note, I took a nap this afternoon and had a very vivid dream in which you took me riding around on your motorcycle (I remember the dream-sensation of the wind on my face as I pressed myself onto your back to keep from falling off), only to stop and kiss me without any holding back. Nothing came of that; it happened once. But once is enough.

So. In conclusion: come to Rochester, and I should either stop napping or nap a whole lot more if I'm going to keep dreaming like that...
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