----The time is now. ----"Sometimes someone says something really small and it just fits into this empty place in your heart."


























 
Archivies!
  • July 2010
  • June 2010
  • May 2010
  • April 2010
  • March 2010
  • February 2010
  • January 2010
  • December 2009
  • November 2009
  • October 2009
  • September 2009
  • August 2009
  • July 2009
  • June 2009
  • May 2009
  • April 2009
  • March 2009
  • February 2009
  • January 2009
  • December 2008
  • November 2008
  • October 2008
  • September 2008
  • August 2008
  • July 2008
  • June 2008
  • May 2008
  • April 2008
  • March 2008
  • February 2008
  • January 2008
  • December 2007
  • November 2007
  • October 2007
  • September 2007
  • August 2007
  • July 2007
  • June 2007
  • May 2007
  • April 2007
  • March 2007
  • February 2007
  • January 2007
  • August 2006
  • July 2006
  • August 2004
  • July 2004
  • June 2004
  • May 2004
  • April 2004
  • March 2004
  • February 2004
  • January 2004
  • December 2003
  • November 2003
  • October 2003
  • September 2003
  • August 2003
  • July 2003
  • June 2003
  • May 2003
  • April 2003
  • March 2003
  • February 2003
  • January 2003
  • December 2002
  • November 2002
  • October 2002
  • September 2002
  • August 2002
  • July 2002
  • June 2002
  • May 2002
  • April 2002
  • March 2002
  • February 2002
  • January 2002
  • December 2001












 
If you could look like anything...anything at all....what would you look like? I'd be the wind. ...........It's easy to be someone's friend when all you need is someone to console you. It's much harder to be there for them when they're happy all the time. .............Even when I say nothing, it's a beautiful use of negative space.


























Blind Eyes Closed
 
Wednesday, February 25, 2004
Not until the silence had appreared to be so cheap  
These past couple days have been SO PETTY and SO ANGSTY. There's so much I want to tell you, yell at you, rather, but it doesn't really matter 'cause you don't listen to me anyway. It's just getting progressively harder to pretend like I don't care; like this doesn't matter.

I guess it's my turn to tell my side of the story: I already knew you were trying to distance yourself from me, and I know they way you usually do that is not talk to me for a few days. It had been a couple days since you last let me talk to you. So when you weren't outside your classroom and the room was empty (yes I went to check for you), I headed on my way, planning to catch you there and show that you can't shake me that easily. When neither you nor your roomate was there, either, I was SO convinced that you convinced him to go to somewhere else in order to avoid me for the day. So I sat alone. He happened to be walking by and when I waved hello and he saw that I was alone, he came to join me. Then you called and explained yourself and said you were on your way. All we talked about was how I was so convinced you ditched me and how silly I felt that I was wrong.

Then you showed up and got angry. I thought you were going to be right back, but when 45 minutes passed and you still hadn't emerged I got actually worried. We talked then about how you weren't there and hypothesized about what happened to you. Yes, we talked about YOU. Even when you decide to leave me, you're still all that's on my mind.

And that's not fair. Now you're not talking to me again, and I can only go through waves of trying to not care alternating with getting really angry. I went to go check and see what was taking you so long at that 45 minute mark, and when you weren't there I checked the premesis, where you also weren't. I ran into a couple kids from class, and explained that I was looking for my best friend. That's right, I still fucking introduce you as my best friend. Who leaves me. And makes me feel underappreciated.

We accept the love we think we deserve.

But there are times that I feel like you appreciate me and love me. And I miss it. I left that apology with you not because of what happened, but because I know you need more than this. I wanted to be someone who could give it to you, and the wrong way to go about these things is to get angry. So I was apologizing for getting angry instead of talking to you. But you're not talking back, and that's painful.

So when I see you
Please understand the way I think
Your smile it heals me
I never want to go away

Believe I love you
No matter how selfish I get
I know you'll help me
The way I feel I won't forget
4:56 PM 0 comments

0 Comments:

Post a Comment
 
This page is powered by Blogger.