----The time is now. ----"Sometimes someone says something really small and it just fits into this empty place in your heart."


























 
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If you could look like anything...anything at all....what would you look like? I'd be the wind. ...........It's easy to be someone's friend when all you need is someone to console you. It's much harder to be there for them when they're happy all the time. .............Even when I say nothing, it's a beautiful use of negative space.


























Blind Eyes Closed
 
Sunday, June 20, 2004
i try and try and try  
Good lord today is a nightmare. Not because of any reasons you'd be expecting from me, though, don't worry. I mean... I've had to listen to them bicker my entire life, why aren't I used to it yet? Story: We overslept this morning and so it was hectic anyway getting out of the house to go to brunch at Gramma and Grampa's. Mom gives me the keys to go wait in the car for her, and in the time we're gone she goes into Anna's room to get a movie she rented a couple days prior. And finds a lemonade spill. And goes fucking nuts. And yells at Anna the whole way there about how sick she is of the disgustingness of Anna's room, that she won't be going out to dinner tonight with the Kondos, our family friends, if her room isn't spotless, that if she ever finds another spill like that she's kicking her out, as much to say that she won't consider her a part of the family until she can learn to keep it clean. To me, at least, it seems kind of normal for them. Honestly, this has been going on for more years than I can remember. Well we get to Gramma's, Anna in tears upon entering the door and immediately locks herself in the bathroom sobbing. We get called in to eat, and Mom and Auntie "discuss the situation" in the office for a while, then Auntie comes out to eat and Mom is locked in the office. She comes out after a while and eats while the attention is on Grampa & his presents (one man at the head of the table surrounded by 7 girls. It was pretty cute. Leslie, Gramma's caretaker, got a towel with her "new" initials "LL" for Leslie Lee [we're making her part of the family now] because it's her anniversary in the house). Immediately following dinner Auntie takes Anna into the library to talk while the rest of us sit and talk. Mom leaves early because she doesn't feel well, and Alexa goes to the library to check on things, so it was kind of just me and my grandparents on the porch talking. There always seems to be really bad bickering at family events. Mother's Day was when I came home, and Auntie and Grampa were both steaming mad at Mom the whole day. It's just silly.

Well we got home and Mom's door is shut, I don't think she's talking to anyone. My laptop decided it'll let me online today, but only to select sites. Dammit. So I'm just pissy today. I'm sorry if I'm short-tempered, I've just never done too well with listening to conflict. I refuse to get involved. Same old, same old...
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