----The time is now. ----"Sometimes someone says something really small and it just fits into this empty place in your heart."


























 
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If you could look like anything...anything at all....what would you look like? I'd be the wind. ...........It's easy to be someone's friend when all you need is someone to console you. It's much harder to be there for them when they're happy all the time. .............Even when I say nothing, it's a beautiful use of negative space.


























Blind Eyes Closed
 
Monday, July 26, 2004
she thinks I'm in love, and I know that sucks  
Umm.  I'm home.  Mom slept in my room with me last night, which is really weird.  Just like old times before my laptop was working again, when I'd sit in her room on the computer until she wanted to go to sleep, except now on my laptop and her talking to Lisa, her friend from high school who is staying in her room.  Mom and Anna came to pick me up at the airport, and I think she asked maybe around 3 times how many times I got irritated with him or really if I was glad to be back.  Every time I answered the same, that I wish I was still there.  That I had a wonderful time.  That no, I didn't get irritated with him, that I don't get tired of seeing him all the time.  That I was just paranoid the whole time that he was getting tired of me, and we talked about that and I got set straight.

I'd say now that what's left to look forward to this summer is going back to Rochester, to not be here anymore, but I know that once we get back it's going to be the same heartache that it was in April before we left.  And I still want to go back because it's not suffocating like it is here, I won't have to be upset like last night and lay in bed shutting my eyes and picturing how it was just two nights prior when I was in the same position, but I had him there to do fingertips on my back and his eyes to look into while he tells me it's going to be okay.  I can have that again, and that'll be good.  Ugh get me out of here.... please...


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