----The time is now. ----"Sometimes someone says something really small and it just fits into this empty place in your heart."


























 
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If you could look like anything...anything at all....what would you look like? I'd be the wind. ...........It's easy to be someone's friend when all you need is someone to console you. It's much harder to be there for them when they're happy all the time. .............Even when I say nothing, it's a beautiful use of negative space.


























Blind Eyes Closed
 
Friday, July 09, 2004
you try to take the best of me  
I want to say something, but I don't know if there are words. I'm so angry. You say you understand, but I disagree. I wish I had your family dynamic, really, but truth is I don't. I tell her I don't want to go out, I'm too tired, I really just want to stay at home. She says "don't be crabby" in that tone that tells me things will get much worse. She'll tell me not to be selfish, when all being selfless is is letting someone else be selfish. It's always someone giving in. There is no such thing as comprimise. So I go, don't talk, teeth clenched to keep from crying I want to go home so bad. She says "just a few more minutes" and makes me wait for another half hour. I just want some fucking escape. I want my own place so I can make my own rules of where I have to be. I hate responsibility. She raises her voice when I stop my "everything's okay" charade for just one minute. So really, all I've learned in growing up is to pretend everything's okay when it isn't so I don't ruin someone else's time. Why not just let me stay home? I'm not going to ruin her visit by not being there. Quite honestly I think it would be more rude to go and lie. I want to stab myself with an exacto knife. If anyone understood they would stop pushing.
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