Thursday, January 30, 2003
I don't know what I want
But I can't wait forever
It's been a weird night. Nan and I deciced we were going to be "cool" and go around distributing flyers for an improv show tomorrow night. We ended up in Holli 4 in Damian's room, waking him out of what looked like a peaceful sleep. Somehow, I'm not sure how, either Nan or I brought up Damian and his roomate (his name slips my mind right now) having hot gay sex, and Damian started freaking out. I told Nance that I'm not straight (since the conversation somehow also turned on me), and it was the first time I'd ever actually said it to her. I thought I had been very obvious in dropping hints, since I would say over and over again how straight people suck and I'd make jokes about hitting on girls, etc., but this was the first time I'd actually said anything. She took it well. Damian said something about wanting to see us make out, and I told him I'd do it when he has hot gay sex with his roomate. Which will never happen. Nance isn't my type.
I think every unstraight person ever has qualms about telling new people. I was so scared that I'd tell Nancy and Summer that I'm not straight and they'd kick me out of the "triples" and they wouldn't want to talk to me ever again. It goes back to that idea that we have nothing to fall back on. The three of us have been friends for four months and if I fuck this up now there's nothing to redeem myself with. It's terrifying.
But all of that is over now, and Saturday the three of us are going gay clubbing with the Pride Network. I'm hoping to find some cute chick. Yay for girls!! ;-)
12:11 AM
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Monday, January 27, 2003
oh, and Erik....POST SOMETHING NEW!!!
11:54 PM
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Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss
but I only slept with you because I was pissed
I thought I could love no other
until, that is, I met your brother
Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet and so are you. But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty and so is your head.
Of loving beauty you float with grace
If only it could hide your face
Kind, intelligent, loving, and hot
this decribes the things you are not
I want to feel your sweet embrace
just please don't take that paper bag off your face
My feelings for you no words can tell
except for maybe "go to hell"
---Given to me this afternoon by Becca. Hahahha oh Becca.....
11:54 PM
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Is it a bad thing that I enjoyed arguing with Erik so much? I've had the time of my life tonight reading through the archives on his page and the archives on mine from August 2002. Near the end we were just getting bitchy.
"And Erik, for the record, I'm not abusive just because. You really do desearve it, even if you won't admit it."
Thank you for still being my friend.
7:09 PM
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Sunday, January 26, 2003
For anyone who thought the first one was hilarous, Ben edited his improv troupe's video in which they went around with a video camera asking people how much it would cost for them to kill a puppy with their bare hands. It's a quite good editing job, and a quite funny video.
And, since I have to put in my two cents, Yay for the Bucks in today's game. :-) I know, I know, it was an all-pirate super bowl so I really couldn't lose, but my grampa and cousin told me to root for the Bucks so I did. And they KILLED the raiders. Wooo!
10:46 PM
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Saturday, January 25, 2003
Okay okay, I'm doing better today. I think everyone just took things one step too far last night and I should have said something but I didn't. I miss friends who are nice sometimes. But it'll be okay. I just have to learn how to tell other people when I'm upset and when they're pissing me off. I should have left last night. I should have done SOMETHING to show them that it was making me mad.
But it's too late for that now.
And Hannah...for your global warming deal....it's been around 5 degrees here with a negative ten windchill. Does that make you happy?
3:45 PM
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Maybe I haven't been depressed enough at school. Maybe this is one of those integral parts of being at school. I know that everyone gets lonely at times, and I know I'm not special. But it does get tiresome.
Don't get me wrong, I adore Nancy and Summer. It's just one of those nights. Maybe I search for reasons to want to cry, but it really gets more painfully obvoius that the two of them get along better together than I do with either one. And I know we're "triples" and they care about me too, but three's a weird number. And I think I'm definitely the odd girl out.
I just need friends here who can be nice to me for about ten minutes. When the girls and Sam all gang up on me and pick on me for what seems like hours while no one else takes any shit, how do you think that makes me feel? Maybe I perpetuate this too much. Maybe it isn't as bad as I make it out to be. I just need to be alone sometimes. I need to remember who I am and where I came from. I need to fall asleep in someone's arms. I need to fit. I need to belong.
Right now, though, I think I'll wrap myself in the comfort of crying myself to sleep.
12:46 AM
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Friday, January 24, 2003
I'm a loser for meaning to write this down while it was fresh in my head four hours ago. yay me.
Anyway, I had an amazing night and I wanted to share. UR Juggling club meets Tuesdays and Thursdays, and The Triples decided to all sign up, so we all went. The President is the nicest person I've ever met, and we made friends with everyone that was chillin' around with us. I can't juggle for shit, of course, but I'm definitely going to keep going. The president and vice president (I don't ACTUALLY remember their names now, and I feel kinda bad...) and one other guy were making balloon animals, and they made cowboys peeing for the three of us. I'll keep mine next to my head while I sleep. <3
12:00 AM
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Thursday, January 23, 2003
There's so much I want to do get down here right now and I can't think of where to begin. It's agonizing knowing that my head is swimming with different threads of .... whatever ... and I can't formulate even one into some coherant thought that I'd think someone else would have any interest in reading. And then when I DO get these things down it doesn't really turn out the way I want it to. I wish I were more poetic like Hannah. I think everything she writes is some work of art that would take me years to formulate, and yet that's the way she thinks.
And all I can retaliate this creativity struggle with is losing my thought process several times over while trying to make it sound beautiful. Just my luck, nej?
1:22 AM
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Tuesday, January 21, 2003
you really gotta love the people whose New Years Resolutions is to GAIN weight, and do so by means of nearly swallowing small cats. I still admire people who make resolutions, like the passing of one year means that you have to act NOW on being who you want to be. Because a week ago it wouldn't have been legit. It has to be TONIGHT. Future-Nora isn't going to do anything that Present-Nora hasn't already tried. Future-Nora is laughing at Present-Nora for even thinking that's a possibility. I don't think the different tenses of me get along very well.
10:25 PM
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The Cheers Theme
Making your way in the world today
Takes everything you've got;
Taking a break from all your worries
Sure would help a lot.
Wouldn't you like to get away?
All those night when you've got no lights,
The check is in the mail;
And your little angel
Hung the cat up by it's tail;
And your third fiance didn't show;
Sometimes you want to go
Where everybody knows your name,
And they're always glad you came;
You want to be where you can see,
Our troubles are all the same;
You want to be where everybody knows your name.
Roll out of bed, Mr. Coffee's dead;
The morning's looking bright;
And your shrink ran off to Europe,
And didn't even write;
And your husband wants to be a girl;
Be glad there's one place in the world
Where everybody knows your name,
And they're always glad you came;
You want to go where people know,
People are all the same;
You want to go where everybody knows your name.
Where everybody knows your name,
And they're always glad you came;
Where everybody knows your name,
And they're always glad you came;
(fade out)
12:52 PM
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"A penguin takes his car into the mechanic. The mechanic tells the penguin it'll take a little while to check it out, so the penguin goes to get some ice cream. Since the penguin has no hands, he gets the ice cream all over his flippers and beak. Awhile later he walks back into the shop and the mechanic says, "It looks like you blew a seal." The penguin says, "Oh no, it's just ice cream, and I really hate bio." "
What is the bio reference to blowing a seal??? I'm so tempted to take bio just so I can understand this joke. Waaah. I hate bio.
12:50 PM
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Monday, January 20, 2003
best picture ever, right?
9:03 PM
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better, Hannah?
8:55 PM
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"What do you want?"
"I was just thinkin' I could buy some heroin and commit some hate crimes!!"
On a completely unrelated topic, though, I'm really glad you guys are happy. I don't think anything could have made me smile more. Really. I love you all.
12:48 AM
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Sunday, January 19, 2003
I can't think of a better time to write a post than after one of the best days ever. Tonight I spend a good deal of time with the girls watching movies. We had the quote of a lifetime at dinner while Mary and I were engrossed in a conversation about Texan convervativeness (Mary said "We execute mentally retarded people." Sara responded with "all of them?"). Afterwards we just hung out and went to see Red Dragon, then watched When Harry Met Sally. I think it really hit me during the second movie...I really am in good company here. And, somehow, I've tricked myself into believing that they can't make me happy like my kids at home can. And I'm not sure I believe it anymore. In time, at least. Of course I still love my 'siblings' more than the girls and I don't even enjoy the company of most of the girls all the time (some of them are downright obnoxious), but I'm getting much more comfortable talking to them normally and I'm working myself up to telling them about the joys of being unstraight. I got Nancy to sign up for the Pride Network with me, althogh I don't think she'll be that into it. I think it'll be okay.
2:20 AM
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Friday, January 17, 2003
You know I'm the coolest person ever when I wear myself out a dinner from laughing too hard.
7:38 PM
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Thursday, January 16, 2003
Well, I've almost been to all my classes. CAD is still up in the air, but I think it's going to be easy enough. Ted is in Statics and Physics with me and Nancy, so we have a new third partner now that Darcey isn't in Meche with us anymore. My Math 165 professor is young and georgous and one of those cute math dorks....oh dear lord I'm sad. Both my math classes are full of cute math dorks and I'm one of the few girls. It makes me happy! Yay for math dorks...(yeah yeah, Erik, shaddap)
12:35 PM
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Wednesday, January 15, 2003
ahhhh. too much.
9:23 PM
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yes.
9:09 PM
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Tuesday, January 14, 2003
Argue if you will, but I stand by my beliefs that we really have all changed. I know we still all get along beautifully and we'll always be "siblings," but that's just 'cause we're good friends. We go beyond that one face that Cam was talking about that night at your house. We know we love each other and we'll always be friends, but growing up and growing into different people is part of that friendship.
I don't feel any of 'the siblings' is the same. We've all been encouraged in different ways at school, and now that this new encouragement is around more often than we are, it starts to take over. Sure Summer and Nancy encourage my jackass-ness, and it has affected my sense of humor, but that does nothing to change how I am with my friends from home. I still love them most. I just feel like Summer and Nancy too much like Gabe and Al and not enough like Erik and Nikki - I have different sets of friends at home and I definitely don't love Gabe and Al like I love my siblings. It's different. I am comfortable talking to 'the triples', though, and I'm sure before too long I can see the sibling-esque qualities in them. I just need time.
Back to the subject, though, it's also wrong when you mentioned that I was too wasted on New Years Eve to notice you were there. I was far from 'smashed'. I was bad enough that I didn't want to drive but other than that I was completely normal. Thanks to mixing all my drinks and drinking them over a span of four hours I really wasn't drunk. I don't know why reading that bothered me so much, but it did.
9:16 PM
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Oh goodness, what a night. I told Josh to come up and say hi, which was awesome 'cause, you know, I haven't seen him in three and a half weeks. Then Pat, one of my hallmates, stumbled in drunk as hell. All my hallmates thought it would be fun to get drunk tonight 'cause it's their first night back. Each to his own, I guess. But apparently, Josh and Pat really don't get along. The three of us were trying to calm him down for about an hour, and I was getting kind of worried, but Pat doesn't really know Josh and I guess he wanted him to back off.
So to get refuge, Pat started goin' on Mona's and my computers and talking to our friends, including Mike. And I don't think Mike was happy. So I called to apologize, but he kept on grabbing the phone and I think Mike could hear Josh smackin' Pat around in the background (sorry about that, Mikey darlin'). It's all okay, though, 'cause Mike talked to Josh and asked him if he was a leprochaun. And I laughed so hard I thought I might die. His coolness rating was raised. It's okay.
Oh Rochester....another semester of this drunken crap. I'll be okay, I'll be okay...
1:15 AM
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Monday, January 13, 2003
Rochester!! I hypothesized with Josh a few nights ago that I'd be horridly bored when I got back to school since everyone I asked is coming back later than me. I, however, failed to ask everyone that I meant to.
Summer was back when I got here. I've been sitting in her room for hours watching 2.5 movies. She fell asleep and I sneaked out to unpack.
Good ol' Rochester....
1:16 AM
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Thursday, January 09, 2003
Surprisingly, I'm okay with it.
12:18 AM
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Caleb got a girlfriend at school! Who would have thought...
12:18 AM
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Wednesday, January 08, 2003
Whoever thought high school would make me feel so old? It was nice going back, though. It makes me feel very good about myself to be walking through the halls with Sara Gunning clutching to one arm, break to give Sam Swenson a hug, and then have Sara come running back frazzled because I left for 2 seconds, Ruth calling "nooora!" the entire way behind us because she was scared I'd leave her. More people from Evanston missed me than I thought. It's nice.
12:39 PM
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Tuesday, January 07, 2003
Ahhh! My car is being towed! RIGHT NOW!! It was shaking when we braked before we left for Cali, but now it won't even start and it's hitched to some skeezy tow truck and won't be accessable for days. Poor Sharpshooter...
7:22 PM
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Caifornia's been good to me
Hope it don't fall into the sea...
I don't think I've ever seen so many SUV's in my life. Everyone was shallow, everything is a 20 minute drive (at least) away, the highways are 14 lanes across and crowded, and there's a ring of brown smog around the whole city. But all we did there was relax and see old friends and get tan. It was all any of us could have asked for.
Last night we took Jenny back to school at UCLA, and watching her see all of her friends that she hasn't seen in months made me miss Rochester. A week seems like too long.
12:09 AM
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