Sunday, August 31, 2003
Amilie
I've missed the days where I am content with sitting in the common room all day with my ladies watching Amilie and Old School. Such a clash of culture, but it works so well....
9:28 PM
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Saturday, August 30, 2003
I really did think this was going to be easier at college. Nonono....
10:58 PM
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whaaat?
I'm sooo drunk. I got this game called 'drunken checkers' that's just 24 shot glasses you use as pieces and everytime your piece gets taken you take a shot. I'm sooo drunk. Whhhaaaaat??? I'll look on this later and laugh I'm sure. But right now I'm kind of seeing double. Maybe I should go to sleep.......relections and smart stuff with come tomorrow. Yes. SLeep. Yummy.
12:45 AM
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Friday, August 29, 2003
Gabe is gonna die
*angry face* I'm so mad he forgot yesterday. Grrrr.
So anyway. Hooray for Rochacha. Boo to the mugginess and to carrying Nancy's 55 pound bags around, and boo to my storage for not getting here until Sunday. But other than that...hooray! I heart my Rochester!!!
2:45 PM
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Wednesday, August 27, 2003
!
10:39 AM
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p
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o
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o
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m
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sweet
10:39 AM
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I can just do one post after the other?
10:39 AM
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FOOLS
FOOLS
10:38 AM
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wrath continuance
Now the physical mechanism of tickling is not that well understood. (its thought to be associated with the sense of pressure) Nor is it really known why some people are more ticklish than others. Nonetheless, it's clear that it isn't a mere idle diversion, but rather a profoundly ambigous act fraught with lots of mucho bizarro psychosexual implications. Consider for instance, you cannot tickle yourself. According to darwin, its cause 'the precise point to be tickled must not be known'... in a sense its a mental trick as well as a physical one. From this we can deduce not only does it take two to tickle but the sensation is associated with a loss of control over the relationship. Consider the fine line between pleasure and pain, you tickle babies to entertain them, but some people suffer by being caused to enjoy something(i.e. laugh) too much.
Meerloo one of the only scientists to study laughter in depth, believed that the idea of being "tickled to death" is not real death but a metaphor. i.e. sexual surrender. He says "In a deeper sense, being tickled to death means taking part in sexual orgasm and experiencing the sterbe und werde feelings (to die and to be resureccted) provoked by deep ecstatic sexual satisfaction ... the clitoris is in other langauges called the organ of being tickled or titillated (in dutch: kitelaar) All these words are also related to itch, the old english 'yicchen:' a combination of restless hankering and irritation, of ambivilant yearning after fun and the taboo against giving in to that yearning... 'I'm being tickled to death' means that the pleasure is too much for me' So therefore if you are ticklish it obviously means that you're a putrid swamp of repressed psychopathic compulsions. See? we learn stuff everyday.
10:38 AM
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Tuesday, August 26, 2003
MUAHAHAHAHA
You're in my world now, readers! THAS RIGHT, prepare for one helluva adventure. YES, FOLKS! I GABE am taking over this so called 'blog' for my bud Nora... and I have *looks at watch* about fifteen minutes to get this written for today. Hahaha Hilarious... life is pretty good in my world. after tomorrow I am offischalllyy done with skool. what an adventure it has been...... y'know what; I can't do this..... its downright shitty when you get down to it. Man, FUCK! whatever I'll just ask my friend Wet Chair to fill in for me... yea you heard me right, assholes.. Gabe is too busy gettin' down to do any of this 'blog fun' DO YOUR STUFF WET CHAIR!!
Wet Chair: MERPOAC VACUUM CHEESE EATS LITTLE PIGGIE FLIM ON TUESDAY NIGHTS! HJAR HAR H GABE FIUNNYT AND LIEKES TO DANCE TO SONGSESS MADDEEE BY CHEWEY WOMENE! WHICH IS A LITTEL LIAKFE TA WOOCKIE FROAM DA STAFRRR WADSRRSS....
...........the reader of this sentence is by law required to forget the past blog post from there memories. Yes, the fact that your eyes are touching these words is a mental agreement to follow these rules.... that, and I do so so appologize. Maybe I should dance to some songs....
*looks around carefully and jumps into secret dancing hovel*
Until later fools. The wrath has just begun...
11:58 PM
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Monday, August 25, 2003
blah
Heya.... I am on a road trip.... Gabe Patay will be my sub. Howdy all. See ya Friday. Peace out my homies.
9:20 PM
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Sunday, August 24, 2003
Grrrr
I wrote this heartwarming post about how I spent assloads of time (i.e. ten minutes) searching for a picture of my [ex] dog so I could post it and express my sadness that he is, in fact, no longer my dog but belongs now to this really nice lesbian couple in Andersonville. Perfect. But, alas, there is no picture of Eddie on this machine. Balls.
5:09 PM
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Saturday, August 23, 2003
Day and a Half
So in a day and a half I'll be on the road back to sunny Rochester. "sunny". "Rochester." But I really can't wait. I said goodbye to Elliot and Caleb last night, which was kind of surreal 'cause I only really got like 2 and a half weeks to be Elliot's friend before I have to leave. I told him I'd call from New York (which I fully intend to do) and that I'll see him over Thanksgiving. It'll be one of those things that won't really hit for another couple of weeks.
I'm about to go out to see Nikki for the last time for a few months. This seems nearly impossible. I saw her really more than anyone else this summer, and we're more like sisters than ever. I guess even the closest of siblings are forced to live apart.....yeah.
So here's to a new year. :-)
9:09 PM
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Friday, August 22, 2003
Tradition?
This is the second year in a row that I take time off from work with the intention of packing for school, and end up spending the day going down to Belmont with Caleb for whatever reason. Second year. I think it'll be a new tradition.
2:54 PM
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Thursday, August 21, 2003
Twice in One minute....
So first I was sitting in Cammy's kitchen when she said something about it almost being midnight in New York, and I got this sinking feeling that my timestamps are on Eastern time so I dashed into her basement to post before midnight.
THEN, when I got to the blogger site, it had some message up that it was down until next week. I hate freaking out twice in the same minute. The Yo La Tengo Late Summer Weblog Challange is NOT something to fuck around with. EVER.
10:54 PM
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Wednesday, August 20, 2003
Best 351 Schools?
Rochester wasn't on any of these lists at all, which kind of disappointed me. We're just painfully average, I guess. But, on the list for most unhappy students, RIT ranked pretty high. I think that just about makes up for everything. :-) I'm just mad that stupid Northwestern got ranked for good school paper. I HATE the Daily Northwestern! All they do is meddle in the lives of our lovely Evanston town! There was one year that ETHS played New Trier at their stadium in basketball, (this is a 4000 seat stadium or something) which sold out, and afterwards some black Evanston kids were hanging out at Mustards and some New Trier kids drove by in their SUV that their parents bought them (I'm sure) and yelled some racist comment out the window (since most New Trier students have never interacted with non-caucassions). In turn, the black Evanston students chased the SUV down Central Street and threw a trash can or something. This shows up in the Daily Northwestern under the headline "Evanston Students Attack New Trier Students". Nothing about the game; nothing about being provoked. Stupid Daily Northwestern.
1:56 PM
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Daily Poll 8.20.03
Today's question:
How old do you think that girl in the cat picture is?
Legal or illegal?
12:38 PM
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Tuesday, August 19, 2003
It's so huge!
Oh shut up, I'm talking about a cat.
But the real question here is....why does the website containing this picture include the words "I hate you"? I would adore to have a fatty fat fat cat like that. I could call it Jabba the Cat and no one would be able to complain (except for Grant, who I stole that line from.)
11:18 AM
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Monday, August 18, 2003
Horrible
I'm so horrible about this. I sit around and think all the time which turns out to be a pretty impressive internal dialogue, and then I come here to write it all down and it never comes out the way it did in my head. It's just frustrating how whiny I sound when it's supposed to be as objective as I can be while analyzing myself.
Well anyway, I had a good talk with him about an hour ago. I had forgotten how nice it was to talk to him, even though it's only been three days. Is that sad? Is my memory faulty enough that I can't remember emotion for longer than 48 hours? It's unnerving. How am I going to remember how I loved someone if I can't remember what love is? That's not what I'm talking about here, though. I still remember how to love, thank goodness. I just get overwhelmed when I get mad at myself because I don't have anyone else to calm me down. I've managed to trick myself into getting better at it, though. At least I'm less anxious than I was yesterday (thank you, Caleb).
I think thing'll be okay. I'll learn how to calm down and be myself. Really. It'll be fine.
3:22 PM
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Sunday, August 17, 2003
Leave
I hate these moments when I've obviously hit a personal low. When I'm in New York, I may get lonely and depressed, but I never get so self-ashamed that I just want to stop existing for a little while. It's just been getting a lot worse lately and I can't think of anything I'd rather do than leave. Get away. Go back to Rochester where I at least can be content with myself. It really sucks that I can't even explain this to anyone because there's no way I can say it and have a good outcome. There isn't anyone who can make me feel better about myself. I have to learn that other people can't make me happy. I can't get hurt by someone and then just flitter off to someone else and expect them to make me who I want to be. I have to be sad sometimes. I have to learn how to deal with myself when I'm alone; sit myself down in a dark room and brood over everything that I should do to be who I want to be. And that is going to be the hardest part.
9:28 PM
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Saturday, August 16, 2003
My life as a book
Sometimes I like to look at myself as a character in my own novel. My Life as a Book. This morning I went with my mother to Memorial Cemetary to pick out a gravestone for my Dad, and for inspiration we went by my grandmother and grandfather's graves to see what they were like. Identical, except my grandfather died 31 years earlier. He was 47. My dad died at 47. If there's not some crazy, fucked-up symbolism in that, you're crazy.
I'll continue this later, I needed something for the Yo La Tengo shit. :-)
2:42 PM
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Friday, August 15, 2003
boo for titles
Lindsay, one of my co-workers here at Booklog, was sharing an office with me yesterday while I looked up the first day of classes for colleges and she sorted through labels looking for the lies. We have very exciting jobs. Anyway, she was listening to the radio (cubs game) while doing her labels, and since I couldn't hear what was going on, I could only tell how the cubs were doing by her reactions.
Every so often, a light would turn on in her eyes as one arm, complete with fist of glory, was raised triumphantly in the air with a whispered "yess" to accompany it. At least once or twice there was a clap followed almost immediately with a look of surprise as she realizes that I was not listening to the game and she had just made noise that broke the (to me) impenetrable silence of the room. These jolts are what kept me through the afternoon. Although not a Cubs fan, I did find her quarks very entertaining.
I think she was good luck. The cubs won their game and are now half a game behind first place, while the Sox have dropped down to two games behind. Maybe I should start bringing a radio into work.
2:34 PM
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Thursday, August 14, 2003
Eternal youngness
So last night we went to my cousin's house for dinner and I got to play with Aiden, my 6-month-old (almost to the day) baby cousin. He tried to eat all of my bracelets as well as a couple of my fingers. There's something so beautiful about little babies and how they don't seem to be able to comprehend anything around them, and yet they're just little people so they really might absorb everything and wonder about it later. Like on Rugrats, where the babies can understand all of what the old people say. Maybe Aiden's just a wallflower and doesn't make noise so he can understand things about all of his siblings; like I do sometimes. I wish I could see him more often (they live in California), or at least know that I may see him again before he's walking.
"Sometimes when I look at babies, I just get lost in their eyes, seeing the eternal youngness of things. And then I think about it, and it's gone."
2:20 PM
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Wednesday, August 13, 2003
sexy sexy Blogger....
New reason why Blogger rawks my socks: xanga has been attacked all day and the site is down and all the subsequent online diaries are down. Which makes me do a little dance 'cause I know I rule, but it also kind of sucks 'cause half of what I do at work is read other people's diaries, and half of the diaries I read are hosted at xanga. So I've actually had to do WORK. It's weird.
Last night we had a "family meeting." We went through this little brochure and picked a stone for Daddy's grave. No one cried. We joked. It was like we always are. And now I"m scared that things concerning dad's death are going to become too normal. I want to be phazed by doing things like that. I want to remember being hurt that he's gone. I am hurt that he's gone, but I want to feel it. I don't want to be used to it yet. I'm worried that it's the first step to forgetting how wonderful he was when he was alive, and his role in my childhood. I guess that means I'm not young anymore, and that scares me. I never want to grow away from this.
4:17 PM
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Monday, August 11, 2003
poll
Poll for today:
What should we dress up Mona as for Halloween?
A Pirate or a Nerd?
1:08 PM
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Endings
It's weird to think that the Summer is winding down. We've all spent so much time thinking about how great it is to be home, but in the back of our minds there's this nagging feeling that we really do miss school. Most of us still have a couple weeks left until we go, except for Erik who is already gone and Hannah who left yesterday. It doesn't feel like time to say goodbye yet, but I think it's in the back of everyone's mind that this is probably going to be our last summer all home together.
Aside from this in-between state of where I am and where I shall soon be, it's been a really good few days. Thursday evening I spent time with Sam; our last Chipotle gathering before I won't see him again until we're back in New York. It wasn't really saying goodbye because I know I'll see him in a couple weeks, but we're different in Rochester than in Evanston, and it's nice sometimes to get both of those worlds.
Quote of the evening: (After I offered Sam the rest of my burrito and he commented that I put mild salsa on): "If it won't give me the runs, then I don't want to eat it."
Friday night was good. I got Hannah and me tickets to see About Face's fifth anniversary production, and it's always wonderful to see gay kids onstage. They did a small montage of the great scenes from past About Face productions, and I've only missed 2. We both got new shirts (hooray!) and when she dropped me off, I made sure that it was NOT goodbye. Goodbyes would come later.
Quote of the evening: "Well you don't get to pick my label."
Saturday. Nikki and I went to Hannah's to give her a farewell since she left Sunday. We spent a good hour or so sitting in her backyard playing with the kittens. I actually got to pet the kittens (Dweezle, Max, and Frog)!!!!! They are SOOO cute!!! Nikki kept on trying to walk up to them and pet them, which you can't do 'cause they're WILD, and got sad when they ran away. Later that evening Nik and I met up with Rada and Erita and we drove around for 400 years trying to find this gay club, The Scene. Turns out we passed it twice before someone got out to check if that was the place (which it was), but it was closed for construction. So we ended up going down to Greenleaf St. Beach and nightswimming. Erita wouldn't get in the water ("Black people don't like to get wet.") but had no problem with three soaking, half-naked girls giving her a hug when we got out ("Black people can dig it."). It was fun.
Quote of the evening: Hannah thinks Max has some kind of birth defect 'cause her legs are short and so is her tail. Max and Dweezle were fighting, and as Max slinked over to the bushes to surprise Dweezle, Nikki said, "Why are you trying to fight? You're messed up."
Sunday I laid around watching Six Feet Under with Nikki, and she's currently not talking to me because I won't tell her what happens to Lisa. I take some kind of very sick but very healthy pleasure out of torturing her like this.
:-)
9:42 AM
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Thursday, August 07, 2003
I thought this was cool
Gabe's away message:
"Dream is from heaven. Reality is from hell.
It all split open and through the crack I fell.
Now I hover through the shadows like a broken empty shell.
forever caught in hell's heaven and trapped in heaven's hell. "
4:59 PM
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Keeping it up
Well I've been better about posting regularly. I guess I can attribute that to being reeeally bored at work. Lucky for you I have a boring job....
So anyway. Guess who had a really good night last night? That's right - it's me and Elliot! Which was kind of weird. But kind of not. At one point he asked if I wanted to go see a movie and I said okay, and then he tried to retract the offer with "oh wait, but if you have to be home all early maybe we should go somewhere where we can talk.", which I really liked. He's a good kid - I mean I know he's an asshole, but he's a good person beneath that. We did end up seeing the movie (28 Days Later - which I was supposed to see with Caleb but he can cry about it later), and on the way back to his house some douches in the next lane spit water or soda or something at us at a red light. I, of course, started raving about how I hate people, and something about how we're more similar than we thought just clicked.
He left this morning around 7:30 to go to New York City for a week to look at schools with his parents. This is going to be a loong week.
1:31 PM
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Wednesday, August 06, 2003
Coolest game Ever.
I mean it. Ever.
11:30 AM
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Just to be a bitch....
In response to Hannah's "who's the unguessable", I'm gonna have to say "MUAHAHAHA well you can try to guess." :-D I'll just let you know now, though, that I'm going on a date with him tonight.
And read this, it's probably what everyone ever wants to say but doesn't have the words for. Well I think it's good, anyway.
10:02 AM
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Monday, August 04, 2003
I like.
SPIRIT is your chinese symbol!
What Chinese Symbol Are You? -- Updated (7/21/03)
brought to you by Quizilla
10:03 AM
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Good times, Good times...
So I've had a fabulous weekend - it's always wonderful to see Reed and Grant, and lazertag was ..... much different than I was expecting, but it was still a great time. I ended up spending the entire evening with someone that no one would have guessed and had a really good time with him, and then getting an odd farewell. He says he'll call me sometime before Thursday, and I'm unusually anxious.
To stop avoiding the point of this, I just thought I'd do something cute:
Gay Bear
Which Dysfunctional Care Bear Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
10:00 AM
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Friday, August 01, 2003
If you won't listen to me, then there's no point in anything.
First off, I'd like you to know that if this comes off as whiney, it's for the same reason it always is: I only talk to speak my mind and tell you how I feel, and I don't think I should have to water that down to make it come out nicer. That, to me, defeats the purpose of telling you how I feel in the first place.
So then, on with it. Secondly. I hear your points about the way we are concerning Erik and Mary spending time with us as a group. I hear what you say when you tell me that we aren't fair to her. And I understand that because we have had a long talk concerning how it is and how it should be. I understand that we haven't always been inclusive with her and I understand that, because of what we have done wrong, she hasn't felt inclusive with us; and this is a perpetuating cycle. I understand this and I have made a first step to making it better. I called Mary a few times to have dinner with her before she left so I could talk about it with her, but she had no time because she had to pack; and now she's gone. But she knows that I was serious and that I really do want to be her friend. That said; it is not your job to tell me how I am wrong, and I think it's unfair that you blame me and me alone for something that is the fault of all of us.
About things concerning you and me that you also think are wrong, I can only say that I'm sorry dynamics have changed between us. I don't understand how I'm different than last year when you still wanted to be my friend, and I can't understand until you tell me. I miss last summer when you'd still talk to me. I miss our friendship. Don't take this as me trying to guilt you (as I know it'll come up sometime) because that's not my intent. I want to perserve whatever friendship we have and I can't express this without telling it like I see it. If you end up feeling like I'm trying to attack you, then know that it is not my intent. Here also I want to say that you've blamed me for things that aren't solely my fault. When you say you didn't appreciate us coming to your house unexpectedly and not 'having the decency to step out of the room,' you direct this at only me and not my company. That's also really unfair, and I do notice.
I just don't want to sever any ties with you. I never intended for you to think of the camping trip that way, either. It's just that sometimes, things should be done in one small group to strengthen those bonds. It wasn't that we don't consider you part of that group, it's just that there's a difference between our whole group of friends and the siblings. We're like family. There's another level with us. There's more time. You say there's a difference between the siblings and your parents' keeping ties with friends from college, but I don't see it. It was a timing thing - my mother still has her friends from high school and they still spend time together as just them; most of the time they bring their spouses and children and more distant friends from college, but there are times when it is just them and everyone understands. I know that not telling you about the trip was a shitty move, and I've already apologized for that, but I don't know what else I can do. I want to do another trip that's all 4 million of us, but our timing is too crappy for that. And I'm sorry. If you accept the apology or not, I'll still mean it, and I'll still feel shitty about not going about things the right way.
so that's it. That's the point - I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything.
4:43 PM
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